There is Always a Way

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and so many others, are overflowing with awareness, quotes, condolences and social messages, past two days after actor Sushant Singh's demise. Sadly, this is not the first time someone decides to end their life. Also, this is not the first time social media is swarming with posts feeling bad for a person who committed suicide asking why didn't they reach out to any of them and why did they have to end their life. Their concerns are very appreciative but if the same concern was shown a few months back when he first started to feel depressed, if a shoulder was lent, for him to lean on when he could no longer stand strong, if someone offered to just be there and listen to him every time he wanted to talk, may be..... may be he would have survived this phase.

Each one of us travel through very different journeys. Some are very "lucky" with friends, family, career, health and most others have to really work for everything they get but they sure get it at the end of the day and there are a few others, who have to work hard and face a lot of setbacks before they can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even that light would be so faint that most of the time they will have to just manage to reach the end with faith guiding them through. Some, like Sushant, never see that light. The third category of people can make it to the end if the other two, atleast, try to shed some of their light over or voice out from inside one of their tunnels that they are not alone and there is nothing to be scared of, in this journey. Tell them that, it is just a harmless, yet highly personalized, travel and all you have to do is just experience it and keep moving forward. We need to understand that all minds aren't alike just like how we all "look" different we all "feel" different too. World would be a happy place if we understand our differences and know that our only responsibility is to not hurt others but love them for what they are. If possible, be supportive, encourage, always spread positivity and never compare your successful, beautifully tailored life with theirs. If you think you are are not capable of extending your warmth then just be in your own bubble and let others be them. Your judgements, opinions, advises, comments, jokes are really not needed. They speak a lot about you than the person it is targeted to. Instead, a smile, an occasional enquiry about how they do, encouraging words, a hug, a pat, a reassuring nod will help someone muster the courage to step ahead.

We have come a long way as humans. Today, we think we have a purpose, we have goals, we win, we lose, we say, do, think and feel a lot of things. For what its worth, these things don't matter at all. Purpose, goals, race, competition - They were formed by us, to give ourselves somewhere to go, something to work for, something to keep ourselves occupied with. If life doesn't unfold according to the outline we had drawn, we need to understand that it is okay, we can erase what we drew and draw it again,  but now, that which fits the life that is unraveling itself. No one can judge because there is no one else in our tunnel. It is just me in mine just like how you are alone in yours. Just because someone overheard your lament when you hit yourself against the wall when you took the wrong turn in the tunnel, if they think they can make a judgement, let them. Their so-called opinion is not based on the actual facts. Those are empty noises. 

I read an article recently that spoke about how parenting can make a difference. It said children have to be educated about failures more than successes. It is important that they are taught that it is okay to fail, it is okay to be poor, it is okay to not get what you want and especially, it is okay to stand alone at some point in life. Personally, I learnt it the hard way that we cannot expect someone to be there at all times to encourage and give us strength. Sometimes, it will be just us, in that dark, gloomy, scary part of the tunnel. At worst times, you might even have diverging paths to choose from and no one will be there to tell you which one is the safest. There are no rules for your life. If you think there are, they are always flexible. Bend it to your needs and don't expect someone to do it for you. Take the path you think is right, if it turns out to be wrong come back and take the other. If you think you don't have the time to retrace, it is still okay. Live it. In a train journey, sometimes you get to sit next to the window and sometimes all you get is hardly a seat and sometimes, you just have to travel standing the whole time. It is a phase and eventually you will get down and reach a place of comfort. Such phases are not permanent and will end, eventually. The path you took might be wrong but it will definitely end and lead you to another which will be better. This belief is what we must hold on to.

Suicide is never an option. If you think you are alone in this world going through a tough phase, just hold on to the faith that this is not permanent and this too shall pass. If someone asks you to console yourself that there are people suffering more than you do, punch them in their face. Just like how pain tolerance varies between people, what one feels during a tough phase is completely personal. No suffering is more or less profound than another. It is all personally defined and can not be compared. Stay put. Stay positive. There is always someone out there waiting to spread their wings and hold you close to heart just to tell you - "Hold on, sweetheart. We are almost there and if you need anything, I am always there for you. It is a promise."

Awakening Amid Chaos

Corona, pandemic, infections, social distancing, quarantine - This is all we hear about, lately. I am sure each of you have mixed emotions when you hear about Corona that is fast spreading, taking many lives with it while leaving others, sincerely, hoping they would survive to get back to their normal lives again. The sight is quite devastating but at the same time instigates a fear of survival that many of us might not acknowledge openly. All of us have become experts in topics on pathogens, viruses in particular, its mode of action, preventive measures in these few months or that is what I understand from the posts on various social media platforms.

There are a lot of medical professionals who have released videos on the nature of this pathogen, on how to protect ourselves and there are a few others who have taken efforts to motivate everyone out there to stay positive and responsible until this goes away. So, there is nothing that I can say in these grounds as its doubly emphasized already. However, there is something that struck me hard when I saw a post that said - "We all owe 2019 an apology for what we said about it". It was definitely funny at first, I forwarded it to my friends and they laughed at it too. When I spent some time thinking about it, I realized that this pandemic really has an important lesson to teach all of us. Until, this January, I am sure all of us would have made a long list of plans this year like to travel around the world, to progress in our respective careers, to achieve something big and noticeable, to be better than those with whom we always compare ourselves - may be not all, but most of us (come on! for once let's be honest to ourselves, no one has the time or energy to judge us now). In the past year(s), we would have lamented about how unfortunate our lives are, like:

• Life is boring (Even when there were so many things to do out there. Now, imagine sitting at home hoping Corona wouldn't find us)
• I am not lucky (now I feel I'll be very lucky if I survive this pandemic to share it with my grandchildren)
• I am not very rich (Dude! Share markets are taking a hit, businesses have closed down, people who can, are working from home while daily laborers are not even earning).
• I don't like anyone. I'd rather be alone. (Now, we are very much alone and a comforting word from anyone, we know, would be a blessing in disguise)
• Worrying about looks, about not having enough dresses or jewellery (Right now, the cleanest person would be awarded a longer life than the most beautiful one. So, you choose.)
• Why can't my mother cook tasty food? (Tasty food? It is so difficult to even find "food" in the stores. I just stocked up my supplies with ready-to-make foods and canned vegetables that will last long enough in case there comes a shortage)

.... I can keep going, but, I guess you got the gist already. Life has its own way of taking its course. I guess it is time we all focus on being a good person and of course, focus on personal growth and measure it with who you were yesterday not with anyone else because we may never know what will happen in the next few minutes. A wise friend once said, "Live life one day at a time, keep working hard towards a better you. One day, after years of focused efforts, when you turn back you will realize you have come a long way from who you were yesterday and that, my friend is success". It did not make sense to me back then but today, I remind myself how valuable these words were and will continue to be. Take life easy, take tiny steps towards growing into a better being, congratulate yourself even for the smallest efforts you took in a day (because no one else will and no one is obligated to do it, either) and its okay if a day or two goes by without any progress. This pandemic is already almost under control and this too shall pass. But, the lessons we take from this, will stay with us for a life time, if we decide to pay heed to it. 

Remember, one day at a time! 

Medium of expression - Words? Signs? Silence?

How easy is it to express your innermost feelings, emotions and expectations to others?

Generally, we all think people are what they say or what they say is exactly what they want or if they don't say anything then we conclude that this is what they want based on who we think they are, based on what (we think we know) they like and what they don't. Take any relationship that expects transparency and pure love.

It is, quite fair, to expect that we learn to tell our close-ones, clearly, our expectations, disappointments, love, care, likes, dislikes, dreams and aspirations. But, are we all the same? Do we all have the same level of confidence on others? Sometimes, the person may be in a meaningful and close relationship to us, but we would barely know them. What would happen in that case? We may have to be honest and open about our feelings to them but how do we do that if we know them only for a few months or even few years? What if we are all not at the same level of comfort? Each one of us is different, having been through varied experiences, having met very different people in our lives, the person we are is defined by our childhood environment and all the other situations. All of us differ in the way we perceive others, the time we take to trust new people or even the ones we know for many years. Sometimes, we might be scared to express with the fear of hurting the other person or with the fear of being a burden or a trouble to them. I know and have heard many times, that we will never be a burden to our loved ones. But is it really true? Say, we ask for something and they are on a financial or emotional constraint at that moment. For the love they have for us, they might go to any extent to fulfill what we asked for. But is it fair? No one is really at fault but end of the day, is it really fair on our part to have asked for it or on their part to have gone through the pains to get that done when they could have just explained they can't? When you are a person who gets these questions every time someone asks you what do you want, will you freely express? And, if you don't, does that make you a weak person or an understanding individual. Let's assume, that it makes you a very understanding person. When you are one, is it too much if you expect your partner or parent to understand your inability to express and ask you the right questions with the right supporting information to do what you like and slowly give you the confidence to freely express and still not feel like you have troubled them. Is it too much hard work for them to identify your best medium of expression and give you the freedom and space to express it through that mode, be it in writing, or on call or in person?

Now, let's assume that it makes you a weak person. Again, if it is our significant other or our parent, is it too much of an expectation to help you gain the strength to still voice out what you have in mind? Will you not do that for them if they happened to be you? At least, I would. Probably, if we all try be more responsible towards our relationships and take sincere efforts to help each other, things would just work out easier than before.