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I think of myself as a person who has the "easily forgettable face" like the person who would just slip out of your mind, not intentionally, but just happens. I have never really gotten close to understanding why. Even the people who call themselves my friend, even people who do actually believe that I am a nice person would "conveniently" forget. I don't blame them because its me who has the "easily forgettable" face right?
They are all very good people. People who have helped me when I really needed it. So, its just that tiny distance my personality did not tread to make an impression so that their brains wouldn't forget my face when the next time they plan to do something. I may or may not want to cross that tiny little distance any more! I think I am going to just learn to be comfortable at this mild dissociation rather and continue to be the "easily forgettable face" who is also a good-hearted cheerful person whom you might find frustrated with the world at other times ;)
acceptance is a big step.. reminds me of the invisibility of grey ...as we age and hair turns grey/white there is undervalued virtue in being out of the "limelight". A degree of anonymity is quite liberating removing you from prejudices and expectations and provides time to contemplate and ponder about eternal things...seeking to discover why we exist and as we might seek the One who gave us this amazing gift called life find that every word on our tongues and every thought in our hearts is already known and understood before even one syllable is uttered.. too high for me I cannot attain or understand such a wonder and yet..
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comment! It is very deep, moving and trust me, very well answers the despair in my post. I totally agree with you!
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is because you are trying to live up to the norms of niceness. Don't get me wrong. People do like nice people. But often what happens is our niceness turns into people-conformity. And if we are consciously trying to mend ourselves as per people, we most of the times become miserable, dull and deprived of our vitality. Now people on hearing this then do another stupidity of wanting to be bad, having no concern for others, total disregard for everyone. And consequently this too would breed disorder in our relationships. So the real question is, why do we feel the need of making others happy, and please them. Is it because we are afraid to be alone? Is it because in some way we depend on people's acceptance of us for us to feel valuable? Why do we have this desire of being rememberable? And is y isn't this very desire responsible for us going out of our ways to make others happy? Don't get me wrong, it is nice to do nice things for people. But the question is how are we doing it? Are our mugs full or empty? Are we doing all this so that maybe in the future we will find that perfect friend who will fill the void in us, hence having an awesome empty mug, hence having a very inherent motive. Or, are we simply doing it cause we genuinely care about somebody. Maybe we don't have to be too nice, maybe we can be as nice as our pratical relaity permits us. And sure people may still not remember us. But does it then hurt? Does it hurt when we simply did something nice for someone because we genuinely wanted to do it for them? Maybe the first step is to fill our own inner voids? I am as clueless as you discovering the life. Just a here with a few stupid questions perhaps....
ReplyDeleteHi, those are some really meaningful, thought-provoking questions you have! I have thought about these a lot in my life too, especially lately. I too had every single one of these questions pop in my head every time I try to be nice and don't get the desired validation from the concerned person or people. However, recently I have come to think of it in a different way and what I am telling here is more me than generic so it may or may not be applicable to everyone. I decided to stay true to myself and be the person whom I would consider nice. I am seeking the validation within and if others can't see it, I assume its their shortcoming as a person which again would have a lot to do with their past experiences. I want to be nice to people, I want to treat people the way I want to be treated and of course if I have to be self-centered at certain situations I would be because according to me, as long as I don't hurt anyone either emotionally or otherwise, what I do will not be considered wrong by ME and I think that's all that matters! Observing this has given me some peace in recent days. I am not sure if I was helpful but I hope you find that middle ground between being nice and being conscious of your needs as an individual.
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